Night of the Radioactive Hamsters
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: When Wade's experimental ooze ends up making RK's new hamsters evolve at a rapid pace, the two are forced to go inside the farm of the hamsters and remove the ooze from within.
1. Night of the Radioactive Hamsters Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 4

EPISODE 11

Airdate: April 3, 2016

"Night of the Radioactive Hamsters"

Special Guest Stars: Justin Roiland as Pete, Paramore (Hayley Williams, Taylor York) as Themselves

SCENE 1

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is watching TV late at night. What the screen shows is a young Caucasian male in high school closing his locker. He has a can of Bud Light in his hand._

KID: I used to think that Bud Light was for chumps. But after I was bullied relentlessly into drinking it, I now feel like the coolest kid in school!

 _At that point, a hologram of Patrick Swayze's character from Dirty Dancing walks up to him._

PATRICK: Wow, kid, you really know how to be cool!

KID: I know! BUD LIGHT DANCE PARTY COMMENCE!

 _("(I've Had) The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes playing in the background)_

 _For no discernible reason, all the kids start dancing around with the Swayze hologram until the police come in with their guns cocked._

PATRICK: Are you here to break up these kids' fun?

COP: Yes, we are. Unless we get to join in!

KID: Hell yeah, you can! DANCE PARTY CONTINUE WITH A NEW SONG!

 _("Burn It to the Ground" by Nickelback starts playing as everyone continues dancing. The camera then cuts to a close-up of a Bud Light can with the tagline, "You're Not Cool Without Your Bud.")_

RK: What the actual f***?

 _RK flips the channel to another commercial, this one showing an old man inside of a pet store._

PETE: Hey everyone, this is Pete! Of Pete's Pet Palace located right here in Seattle! Are you...are you tired of your hamsters not doing shit? Just...just rolling around...making babies and doing w-whatever they do? Well, how about this... _*burps*_...this brand new product being shipped out to pet stores all over the country on Thursday? Introducing the Ultimate Hamster Farm. The latest in pet care and pet fun!

 _The hamsters are shown fighting each other in an exaggerated fashion, ending with one of them snapping the other in half and standing on their head in victory._

PETE: Check it out! These hamsters are total...total sociopaths. They fight, they sing, they dance, they make sweet love to each other sometime after they fight. It's amazing. And it can be all yours for $29.95! Retail price all over the country! For you morons, I repeat, $29.95! Pick it up the first day at my store, and you get...you _*burps*_...get a free Imagine Dragons keychain! It's really cool, so come by my store on Thursday and pick the shit up!

 _The commercial turns into freeze frame showing Pete pointing at the screen, allowing for the voiceover._

VOICEOVER: The Ultimate Hamster Farm is not guaranteed to do any of the things said in this commercial. Pete was paid to say at least 85% of what he just said. There is no Imagine Dragons keychain. We don't even know who listens to Imagine Dragons, but chances are if you do, you probably don't realize that we are most likely giving you false information. Do not contact the company who made this because they have no phone number. My wife is infertile. Bye.

RK: Wow. An actual hamster farm! And all I have to do is wait three days for it. Wait a minute. What if this whole thing is a scam? A-ha, a scam! They thought they could get a hold of RK Jennings but he's one step ahead. Poppycock that commercial is. Poppy and cock!

 _RK turns off the TV and the lights downstairs and heads upstairs._

RK: So what time should I be in line for the farm?

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is wearing an "I Love Hamsters" T-shirt as he walks into school. Wade manages to catch up to him._

WADE: RK! RK, you're never going to guess what I was able to accomplish yesterday!

RK: You finally figured out that cheese is on the moon? You see, I want to believe that there is, Wade, but science just doesn't agree with me on that.

WADE: Um, no. I successfully created a radioactive waste that is capable of altering behavioral patterns in animals, preferably small ones.

RK: Cool! So how does it work?

WADE: Well, you just pour the ooze around the animals and when they come in contact with it, their moods can change and in some cases, they can become self-aware. I tried it on a rat yesterday and he started pointing at me a lot. Then he took a pencil and paper and told me he didn't like the shirt I was wearing.

RK: Well, how about that? And they say that lab rats aren't real. But you're never going to guess what I saw on TV last night. A hamster farm that turns hamsters into the most amazing thing in the universe!

WADE: Wait, what?

RK: I know. I couldn't believe it either! But I think everything checks out. The guy advertising it was so excited about it.

WADE: That's because he was paid to be excited. RK, that hamster farm is probably nothing more than false advertising.

RK: I'll have you know that those hamsters were wrestling each other and one of them snapped the other's neck like a twig. Think about them apples for a moment.

WADE: Look, I just don't think you should get hooked on something like that when there's no scientific evidence that animals can perform those acts on their own accord. Commercials like that pander to the lowest common denominator and only exist to bilk the average schmoe out of their money. In this case, you.

RK: You think you're so high and mighty trying to use science as a crutch. You're just like Scully on _The X-Files_. Every time Mulder tries to prove that aliens exist, she says, "No, Mulder. You're crazy, Mulder." Then Mulder ends up being probed by aliens and Scully has to save him. By the end of the episode, Scully still doesn't think aliens exist, Mulder tells her he loves her, and then they kiss. The end.

WADE: Have you even watched _The X-Files_?

RK: I've seen like, three episodes from season one so I know what I'm talking about.

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mrs. Bernstein's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Mrs. Bernstein is in the middle of a lecture as RK and Buster are talking to each other._

BUSTER: Are you sure the hamsters can do that?

RK: I'm positive. Do you know what year this is? Animals are capable of doing all kinds of crazy things. You think _Empire of the Ants_ was fake? No, they just want you to believe that.

BUSTER: I wish I could buy that hamster farm too, but I'm not allowed in the pet store for two more weeks.

RK: Why, what did you do?

BUSTER: I fed the fish too much fish food when that old guy told me to stop feeding them and now I'm pretty sure they're at some seafood restaurant.

MRS. BERNSTEIN: RK, Buster, care to share what you're talking about to the class?

BUSTER: Oh, we're talking in private, Mrs. Bernstein. It wouldn't be right.

RK: No, Buster, I think it's time she hears this. I think it's time we all hear this.

SPARKY: What's he talking about?

BUSTER: Huh? Oh, hey Sparky. How's your cat?

RK: Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. Bernstein, we all want to believe in things. Some people think we're crazy because we go to church on Sunday or still think Pluto is a planet. Well, those people just don't understand the magic of belief. I believe that a hamster is capable of lifting up ten times their own weight. Just because animals haven't been proven to do that, doesn't mean we can't believe that they do.

SPARKY: Actually, ants can do that.

RK: See? There's even proof of what I just said.

SPARKY: Seriously, what the hell is he talking about?

BUSTER: I don't know, puberty?

RK: The point is, there's nothing wrong with people believing in things. That's the whole point of the unknown. We all want to know what's really out there. We all want to have faith in something even when it seems like everyone's against you. It doesn't mean you're crazy or stupid. It just means you know what you want out of life, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

 _At that moment, Buster starts clapping, along with Sparky, then the entire class starts clapping along with Mrs. Bernstein._

MRS. BERNSTEIN: Well, RK, you really proved that you understand today's lesson.

RK: I have no idea what the f***ing lesson was.

SCENE 4

The Jennings Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

 _The Jennings brothers are eating chicken, mashed potatoes, and peas. RK begins humming "The Hampster Dance" by Hampton the Hampster as he tries carving the face of a hamster out of his potatoes._

KG: RK, what are you doing? This isn't Halloween, you're spitting in the face of tradition.

RK: Go away, crazy man, I'm trying to look forward to something.

KG: Looking forward to that stupid hamster farm?

RK: How did you know that?

KG: You were talking about it with Wade for an hour after you came home.

RK: Well, eavesdropping is a federal crime. Haven't you ever heard of the guy that told other governments all those secrets? I don't know, look him up, you'll find him.

KG: You know, your excitement over this farm reminds me of when I was your age.

RK: Ugh, a back in the day story? Really, man?

KG: I'm only four years older than you.

RK: Does that statement really mean anything here?

KG: _*sighs*_ When I was your age, I had my eyes on a double-barrel super soaker. I tell ya, RK, she was a beaut. All green and everything with a sexy yellow trim. Could spray water up to 75 feet. It was ridiculous.

RK: Okay, so what happened when you got it?

KG: It was a complete ripoff. I felt like the toy company kicked me in the nuts while my friends watched. The barrel was sold separately, it shot at most 57 feet, and if you left water in it too long, it would start leaking.

RK: So the moral of the story is to never trust false advertising?

KG: NO! Oh, wait, yeah, it is. You don't want to get your hopes up and then these companies just jam it up there without lubricant. They just jam it raw. Trust me, RK. These companies just love screwing over their customers as dry as they possibly can.

RK: Dude, TMI.

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _THURSDAY_

 _Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn are talking near Sparky's locker._

BUSTER: You know, I was watching the news yesterday...

WADE: And then what happened?

BUSTER: And then I went to sleep. Why do I always have to say something funny after that?

RK: Thank God it's Thursday, guys. Huh? TGIT!

JAYLYNN: What's this guy excited about?

WADE: He's buying that hamster farm today. I keep telling him that he's just wasting his money.

RK: And I keep telling you, Scully, that you can't just be a downer all the time. It pays to believe.

JAYLYNN: What is it with you calling people Scully all the time?

SPARKY: Wait a minute. That hamster farm with the nonstop commercials?

RK: Yes sir.

SPARKY: Oh. That sounds like crap on a plate, you shouldn't buy that.

RK: I don't know why you guys are always trying to stop me from doing things I'm obviously still gonna do. When have I ever bought anything that was a waste?

JAYLYNN: The exploding gum?

RK: It was an April Fools Day gift, that was for business purposes.

SPARKY: The _Rugrats_ leg warmers?

RK: Hey, I wore those. For a week.

BUSTER: How about the...

RK: Look, we can keep bringing up all those times that I spent recklessly, but today's a new day. That hamster farm's going to be what changes this group forever. It can be a nice conversation piece, it can help bring in some extra money to my house with unsuspecting tourists. Plus, if you guys want, you can always play with the hamsters.

JAYLYNN: We get to play with those cute little things?!

RK: Of course. It's not just going to be my farm, it's going to be _our_ farm.

JAYLYNN: YAYYYYY, WHEN DO WE BUY IT?! I WANT TO PLAY WITH THEM NOW!

RK: Um...don't act like that when we go to the store.

SCENE 6

Pete's Pet Palace

Seattle, Washington

 _The five walk into the pet store. Buster is in disguise wearing a trenchcoat, a cowboy hat and sunglasses._

SPARKY: Buster, why are you wearing that to a pet store?

BUSTER: Dude, don't you remember? I have two weeks left before I'm allowed in here, so until then, I'm trying to be as under the radar as possible.

SPARKY: By wearing a cowboy hat?

BUSTER: Look, Sparky, I've been very stressed out lately, this was a last-minute thing.

WADE: So do you know exactly what you're going to do with these hamsters?

RK: Of course. I have a list of fun stuff right here, all in order. First, I'm going to teach them to talk. Then I'm going to teach them to sing and dance. After that, I'm going to introduce them to all of my favorite TV shows. And if things work out, I'm going to train them to form their own rock band. I'm only training them in hard rock, not that radio bullshit the world keeps forcing on us.

WADE: When was the last time you fed your cat?

PETE: Hey guys. Are you going to buy something or just stand around making chitchat?

JAYLYNN: Yes, we would like to buy this...

RK: A bup bup bup bup. _I_ would like to buy this hamster farm.

PETE: Yeah, motherf***ers, you're the first one to buy it. I unload about twenty of those a year. Lots of people just come here and buy the more glamorous pets like lizards and dogs and shit. They don't want animals that eat each other for no benefit other than their own nourishment.

RK: They eat each other?

PETE: Yeah, but only in certain cases. It's the coolest f***ing shit in the universe, man. I remember when I was younger and I spent all this money on a bitch who never even bothered to call me back after we went to the movies. It was s-such a crappy idea since my friends were watching hamsters eat each other. I should have spent the night doing that instead of trying to forward a horrible relationship that went absolutely nowhere. You guys should probably never go out with anyone or it will scar you for life. Now, what kind of hamsters do you want?

 _The kids all have blank stares after Pete's monologue._

BUSTER: Should I call someone?

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _RK places the hamster farm on his desk and takes out another container with the hamsters inside, with his friends watching him._

BUSTER: This is so freaking wack. The hamsters aren't even doing anything!

RK: Buster, I haven't put the hamsters in yet. Okay, guys, in a couple days or so, the hamsters will start creating an advanced civilization. By that time, they should begin to mate, and when they do, I'll start playing some R&B music to set the mood.

WADE: There's something wrong in what you said. I don't know what, but I know there's something wrong in all of that.

RK: Alright, so you guys can go. I'll track these little guys' progress for the next few days. Then we can rub it all in Wade's face.

 _("Broken Dreams" by Shaman's Harvest playing in the background)_

 _RK makes sure the hamsters are well-adjusted in their new farm and goes to bed. He wakes up the next day and sees that nothing has happened. He simply shrugs it off, rubs Mrs. Tuxedo Pants on her belly and gets ready for school. He comes back that day and sees the hamsters taking turns drinking water. He prays to God that night and goes to sleep, wakes up the next day and is confused that the hamsters are still not doing anything special. Over the next few days, RK becomes more and more depressed as he sees that the hamsters are just acting like regular, everyday pets. The montage ends when the camera zooms out from RK sitting on the bed, with a blank look on his face. A knock is heard at the door._

RK: Come in. Or not, either one is fine.

 _Wade comes in looking confused._

WADE: Dude, are you okay? You usually go to Ike's with us after school.

RK: Hey, you know, I'm just over here doing my Jaylynn stuff.

WADE: You're not Jaylynn, RK. What's going on with you, man? Talk to me.

RK: You were right. KG was right. The haters were right. I was a victim of subliminal messages.

WADE: I think that ad was pretty on the nose.

RK: Look, I'm not here for your entertainment, Wade. I was really looking forward to buying that farm and it was a complete waste of time and money. What kind of America is this where corporations just cheat kids whenever they want? That's not what Obama's America is about. Hell, that's not even what Trump's America is about.

WADE: Well, sometimes, RK, you get cheated. Played for a fool, ripped off, hustled, swindled, hoodwinked, tricked, bamboozled...

RK: I get it, man. I just want to be alone. I've lost the will to go on.

WADE: Come on, kid, you can't let this pain and misery engulf you for too long. You have to get back out there. The RK I know never gives up. He just gets his ass kicked for a bit, but he always finds a way in the end.

RK: I don't know, Wade. I think I'm out of miracles. Let's face it. The RK Jennings you know is dead and gone.

 _Wade is visibly disappointed as he looks at an emotionless RK._

SCENE 8

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are watching TV and eating popcorn without RK. Wade looks bored beyond belief._

BUSTER: Hey, where's RK? I need him to explain all the references I don't know.

SPARKY: Yeah, he never misses TV night. This is unbelievable.

JAYLYNN: Oh no! Maybe he found some cool new friends and now he thinks we're lame!

BUSTER: Hey, I am not lame!

JAYLYNN: I'm saying he just thinks that.

BUSTER: Why are you implying something that's not even true?

JAYLYNN: Why are you getting defensive?

BUSTER: No, the question is, why are _you_ getting _offensive_? Defense wins championships, Jaylynn!

 _There is an awkward pause for a few seconds._

JAYLYNN: What?!

BUSTER: I don't know, I just don't like this sudden change of events!

WADE: Guys, could you please not do this now? RK is pretty shook up about the hamster farm being a bust.

JAYLYNN: Why? Anybody with a kindergarten education could see that it was a scam.

WADE: Yeah, but RK was too excited about it to realize that. You know him. He doesn't stop believing in things, no matter how hard you try to fight him on it.

SPARKY: I just wish there was a way to cheer him up.

BUSTER: We could throw him a surprise party.

SPARKY: But his birthday's not for weeks.

BUSTER: It could just be a "RK, We Believe in You" party. You know, something with a really cheesy title.

SPARKY: That's not a bad idea.

WADE: I don't know. I can't even get RK to come hang out with us anymore. This is going to eat away at him until I figure out a way to fix things.

JAYLYNN: Why do you have to do it?

WADE: Because I'm his best friend.

JAYLYNN: You don't treat him like it. All you do is rip on him and tell him how stupid he's being.

WADE: That's just how we talk to each other. Our friendship is complicated and enigmatic, Jaylynn. Okay?

JAYLYNN: Eh, I guess.

SPARKY: Let's give Wade a chance. Hopefully, he can get RK back to his old self.

BUSTER: And if not, we should really put that surprise party into action. I just figured out a potential theme: Miami. Now I know what you guys are thinking. "Buster, how can we _possibly_ get the essence of Miami into Seattle?" That's the thing. We might not.

SCENE 9

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

 _Wade slowly walks downstairs and eyes all of his chemicals. He goes to the far corner of the basement and takes off the cloth containing "Chemical X," the green radioactive experimental waste._

WADE: _*sighs*_ I might be compromising a very important project, but RK's worth it.

 _(Kendrick Lamar's "The Blacker the Berry," Wade's ringtone, starts playing as he picks up his phone and smiles)_

WADE: Hey babe. Yeah, I'm just getting my science on, trying to help RK, you know the dealio. Yes, I watched it. No, I'm not lying, I did watch a couple of episodes. Honestly, I don't get it. Are boys supposed to enjoy that drivel? Uh huh. Uh huh. But I told you stuff like _Pretty Little Liars_ just doesn't appeal to me. I feel like show recommendations should be based on the person's tastes and sensibilities. Look, Adri, I love you, but I have to go. RK needs me. Okay, send love to Anna for me. Bye, sweetie.

 _Wade hangs up the phone and sighs._

WADE: The life of commitment.

SCENE 10

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Wade slowly walks into the darkened room at night with Chemical X. He looks at a sleeping RK, then takes the chemical and slowly pours it into the farm. Wade takes a big sigh and begins walking out of the room, but almost slips on a banana on his way out._

WADE: Why does RK have an unpeeled banana in his room? God.

 _Wade walks out of the room and RK suddenly starts shouting, which Wade happens to hear._

RK: ANJA, I TOLD YOU, I'LL PAY YOU BACK THE MONEY TOMORROW! LEAVE ME ALONE!

 _Wade sighs in annoyance and walks away._

SCENE 11

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _RK wakes up, yawns, and scratches his side. He gets out of his bed with a bored expression, steals a glance at the hamster farm, and then leaves the room. His eyes widen when he realizes what he just saw and walks backwards into his room to take a closer look at the mutated hamster farm. He sees an entire community of hamsters going about their daily business like average people, with a green sky over them. A couple of hamsters are constructing a statue of an unknown figure, another hamster is being brutally assaulted on the street by hamster cops, and a businessman-type hamster is running out of the bank hoping to beat the meter maid._

BUSINESS HAMSTER: Wait, stop! I was going to come back.

METER MAID: You should have said that five minutes ago to yourself.

BUSINESS HAMSTER: Look, I'm not having the best morning, my kids ruined my boardroom presentation.

METER MAID: Then don't have kids. I'm 36 and unmarried and I turned out well.

BUSINESS HAMSTER: Uh, yeah. Sure you did.

RK: Oh my God, this is incredible. I'm a genius. I'M A FREAKING GENIUS!

 _The scene cuts to the kitchen where KG is eating pancakes and reading the newspaper when he hears RK's declaration._

KG: Yeah, so is Kanye West.

SCENE 12

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The guys are walking out of a class as the bell rings. RK is nowhere to be found._

JAYLYNN: Guys, I've been thinking about this long and hard. I want my own pet.

BUSTER: Okay, then just buy one.

JAYLYNN: That's just it, I don't know where to start. Do I want something that flies or crawls? Slobbers or urinates all over the floor? Plus, I'm kinda a piece of shit so I don't know how responsible I am.

SPARKY: You're not a piece of shit, Jaylynn. Tell you what, Buster and I can go with you to that pet store this weekend so we can help you pick out something nice.

JAYLYNN: Alright, awesomesauce. This is going to be the best day ever!

BUSTER: I don't remember saying I wanted to go.

SPARKY: Oh, I'm sorry. Do you?

BUSTER: Well, of course. My ban is over, I just would have appreciated it if you asked me from the jump. Makes me feel like a speck of dust.

 _RK runs up to the guys with a big smile on his face._

RK: I'm happy. Can you tell? I'm one happy camper.

SPARKY: RK, why are you late?

JAYLYNN: And why are you smiling like a creepy pedophile?

RK: Jaylynn, I'm happy. I know that sounds weird to you because you hate being happy, but happy people do happy things. Which you'll never know about because you're never happy.

JAYLYNN: Dude, shut up before I kick your ass.

RK: I don't have time for banter, I'm too happy about the damn farm! The hamsters are evolving by the minute. Every time I think they're going to stop doing something amazing, they prove me wrong. And that's why I was late. I was studying them like a true scientist.

BUSTER: Since when have you been interested in science?

RK: Since this morning, the point is I feel like I've been reborn. See, when you believe in things, God will pay you back with everything you want.

JAYLYNN: Easy now.

WADE: You know what, RK? I salute you. Enjoy those hamsters. Enjoy every marvelous feat they perform for as long as you live.

RK: Thank you, Wade. I'm touched. You guys need to check this shit out after school, it's magical. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another thing to believe in: An extension on that stupid ass science paper. Later.

 _RK walks away as the guys all stare at him blankly, except for Wade who has a big smile as well._

WADE: Doesn't it feel great to see him in such a good mood?

SPARKY: Wade, do you know something we don't?

WADE: That's for me to know and you to find out. See, the beauty of mystery is an innate...

SPARKY: Dude, either tell me what you did or keep it to yourself, I'm _really_ busy today.

SCENE 13

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Testicular Sound Express is checking out the hamsters in the farm. It has now evolved to the point where there is a mall and some of the hamsters are beating each other up trying to get inside. Meanwhile, the hamster cops are sipping coffee and eating donuts across the street as they watch their own kind go after each other._

WADE: My God, they're evolving faster than I ever could have imagined.

 _Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn look at Wade confused while RK continues to be in awe of the hamsters._

WADE: It's a Neil deGrasse Tyson reference, he said that during a book signing. See, I do references too! I'm RK now, haha!

BUSTER: If we're pretending to be people, can I be Sparky? Hi, I'm Sparky. I should have went to community college.

SPARKY: Please, I don't say that anymore.

JAYLYNN: Wow, RK, these things are amazing! Can I hold one?

RK: I don't think so, Jaylynn. These hamsters are meant to be looked at, not touched. It's like a Jennifer Garner commercial. You can stare all you want, but deep down, you and her both know nothing's gonna happen.

JAYLYNN: But you said I could play with them!

WADE: Jaylynn, Jaylynn, this is all just in your head. Maybe these hamsters are just part of your imagination. That's what pretending is all about.

JAYLYNN: Are you trying to distract me from what I want? You know how I feel about being distracted.

WADE: Jaylynn's feeling lightheaded, she should probably go home.

JAYLYNN: No, I don't, you're up to something. I bet you're all up to something to keep me from playing with the hamsters. It's a plot! A sick, evil plot and I'm not standing for it!

SPARKY: Jaylynn, we're still going to the pet store this weekend.

JAYLYNN: Oh yeah, right. Okay, I have to go home anyway. These hamsters are taking away my street cred, it's awful.

BUSTER: Yeah, me too. I think I have a pet at home I need to take care of. What's his name? Shit, I'm drawing a blank, SPARKY, I'M LOSING IT!

SPARKY: It's your pet cat LPC.

BUSTER: Oh yeah. LPC, I have a pet cat! I remember him now! Good, I was about to spaz out.

SPARKY: It's alright, buddy,

 _Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn leave the room but Wade stays, looking a little suspicious._

WADE: RK, I have a confession to make. I tried to keep it a secret, but I'm going to have to come clean.

RK: Are you a detective? You're working for the feds?!

WADE: No, no, RK, it's nothing like that.

RK: YOU BASTARD, YOU SOLD ME OUT! WHERE'S THE WIRE?! KG, START THE CAR, IT'S A STING OPERATION!

WADE: RK, you numbskull, I AM NOT AN UNDERCOVER COP!

RK: Oh. I'm sorry, I'm just really paranoid about the police. What were you saying?

WADE: Well, the truth is, your hamsters evolved because of me. I used Chemical X to turn them into the advanced civilization you wanted them to be.

RK: Chemical X?

WADE: Yeah, my ooze project. I mean, on one hand, I'm feeling myself something fierce right now because the results are amazing, but on the other hand, I had to let you know the truth.

RK: Huh. So you did this for me?

WADE: You don't have to scold me, I know I made a big scientific compromise and...oh, I thought you were going to chew me out.

RK: Hell no! Dude, you saw that I was down and you got rid of your work just to make me feel better. That's the sign of a true friend.

WADE: Wow, that...really means a lot, RK. Thank you.

RK: No problem. I'm sorry I called you Scully.

WADE: Does that mean you have a new nickname for me?

RK: Sure do. You're better than Scully, man. You're something else. You're a believer. You're a man of the people. You're...Chesterfield Hot Pants.

 _Wade gives RK a bored expression._

RK: I know, I'm gonna work on it.

SCENE 14

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _At night, RK is humming "Part-Time Lover" by Stevie Wonder as he walks into his room and passes by the hamster farm. He notices something is wrong, and looks back at the farm. He sees that some of the smaller hamsters have died and there is blood on the streets of the community. A few other hamsters have turned feral and are vandalizing private property, and others are spraying graffiti on the walls such as "Existence is Hell," "Know the Truth" and "All Lives Matter." The sky is now red instead of green. RK is visibly shocked at the destruction._

SCENE 15

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is pacing back and forth as Wade walks in._

WADE: Hey RK, I came over as soon as you called. You said the hamsters are going psycho batshit?

RK: Yes! I don't get it, Wade, they were so peaceful a couple of hours ago getting in fights. Now they're killing each other and I don't know what to do!

 _Wade takes a look inside the farm._

WADE: Damn, that is some legit carnage. Okay, this is getting way out of hand. These hamsters are evolving at an extremely rapid pace and now they're causing civil unrest. It's not going to end any time soon.

RK: So what are we supposed to do about it?

WADE: Well, this might be a little unorthodox, but it's time for you and me to shrink down to microscopic size, infiltrate that hamster tank, shut down the power source that contains the chemical I used, and destroy the entire community of hamsters once and for all.

 _RK has a blank expression with puckered lips._

RK: Yeah, I suppose that's where we're at right now. Hey, is the room spinning or is it just me?

 _At that point, RK faints and lands on the floor with a thud._

WADE: RK!

 _"Big Time Theme Song" starts playing as Wade tries slapping RK a couple of times to get him to wake up._

SCENE 16

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The camera does a close-up of a groggy RK as he wakes up on his bed. Wade is staring at him with concern._

RK: What happened? Did somebody try touching my special place?

 _RK rubs his eyes and he sees Wade staring at him._

RK: Wade, you bicycle shop-owning sicko, you did this to me?!

WADE: No, RK, you just fainted for ten minutes. Then you woke up, started babbling about religion, and fainted again for two minutes after that.

RK: Well, I was probably drunk or something. Why did I faint anyway?

WADE: Well, the hamsters...

RK: The hamsters! Look, Wade, I know this looks bad, but you can't do what you're planning on doing. Killing these hamsters is wrong!

WADE: RK, I didn't even know how powerful my ooze was until tonight. Who knows what these hamsters are capable of? Do you want them to wake up one day, become fully self-aware, and end up killing you or me or the guys?

RK: No. But still, these hamsters are mine. I've seen them go from scrawny and pathetic to radical and aggressive in a couple of weeks. And it was all thanks to scientific experimentation. You can't take that away from me!

WADE: Dude, I know you love these things, and I'm definitely not doing this to prevent you from being happy, but I don't also want to be the reason why these hamsters end up evolving faster than us. We have to do this.

RK: Fine. Go ahead, kill them, but I'm not gonna watch. I'll just give you the steel.

 _RK goes into his closet and takes out an Adidas shoebox. He then pulls out his trusty handgun from the box, which freaks Wade out._

RK: Okay, Wade, time to regulate.

WADE: Dude, what the actual f***?!

RK: Look, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this my way.

WADE: We are not killing them like that!

RK: Or we can do it your way...again.

 _As RK packs up the shoebox and puts it back in his closet..._

WADE: All I have to do is find my shrink ray so we can go inside the farm and destroy the power source, then kill all the hamsters inside. It will work out, these things usually do.

RK: I hate science.

SCENE 17

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _A FEW DAYS LATER_

 _RK is wearing an all-white scuba suit as he watches TV. Wade comes in at that moment with the shrink ray._

RK: Finally, I've been waiting for you for 44 minutes!

WADE: RK, why are you wearing that?

RK: Look, I don't know the climate in that farm, okay? Chances are that place is surrounded by water and I want to make sure I fit in.

WADE: And you think a scuba suit is supposed to help you?

RK: Probably.

WADE: Put something else on, the weather is no different than our world.

RK: How can you be so sure about all of this? I mean, you make the decisions, you're judging my attire. You think you're the leader or some shit?

 _The scene cuts to RK and Wade in RK's room. RK has put away his scuba suit and is now in his regular clothes. Wade is cocking his shrink ray and playing with it like a handgun._

RK: You know, I actually found out that scuba stands for something.

WADE: Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus?

RK: You see, this is usually the part where I explain things and you just listen to me because that's what common decency is all about.

WADE: RK, we shouldn't fight today. After all, I'm the one that got us in this mess and I need you to be on the same page with me.

RK: Alright, I'll save the sarcasm until we actually get in the farm. At least then I'll have some material to work with.

 _RK's phone starts ringing and he picks it up._

RK: RKJ here, what it do?

SPARKY: RK, it's me, Sparky. I'm at the pet store with Buster and Jaylynn, you guys coming?

RK: No. Don't you remember? We have to go inside the hamster farm and get rid of that chemical that's making the hamsters lose their shit.

SPARKY: Oh yeah, you did mention that. I remember spitting out my soda because what you told me was so unbelievable, I didn't get any of it.

RK: Yeah, Sparky, we were all there. Look, if Wade and I are able to get done in time, we'll probably meet you guys there. I say probably because I promised Anna we would catch a movie and I'm not passing that up to watch Jaylynn act like a stupid One Direction fan over a bunch of wild animals.

JAYLYNN: I heard that, RK, f*** you!

RK: Love you too, cupcake. Okay, bye.

 _Sparky hangs up at that point._

PETE: Geez, do you guys always talk to each other like that?

JAYLYNN: 75 percent of the time, yeah.

BUSTER: It's just a part of who we are.

PETE: Hey, say no more, I'm definitely an advocate for swearing. Hell, I even wrote a book once that was nothing more than a drunk Carlin expy just talking about the mail.

 _The scene cuts back to RK and Wade._

RK: Is the shrink ray ready to go?

WADE: Since last night, I was just waiting for you to change. Okay, I'll shrink you down to size and then I'll do myself.

RK: How are we supposed to get inside the tank and out?

WADE: Well, I brought a cute little mini-ladder that I will prop up right here on the side of the open farm here...like so. Getting out should be a pretty tall order, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

RK: Alright, buddy, shrink me up.

WADE: You mean down.

RK: I know what I said, man. You know what, I should probably sit on the desk here so I don't have to climb it.

WADE: Good thinking. Okay, hold still.

 _Wade releases the shrink ray and RK is completely miniaturized._

RK: Haha, I'm like the dude from those lottery commercials. Hey, you never know.

WADE: Okay, my turn.

 _Wade jumps on the desk and shrinks himself down to size as well. RK proceeds to start climbing the ladder with Wade following him._

RK: Hey Wade, check it out. King, he's climbing the ladder! RK's about to grab the Money in the Bank contract!

WADE: Nice.

 _A couple seconds later, RK and Wade both fall on the ground of the farm community with a thud, but are inexplicably okay as they dust themselves off._

WADE: Alright, let's find that power source and kill those hamsters once and for all.

 _Wade starts walking as RK scratches his head._

RK: Wade! You know, Wade, I've been thinking, Wade. We don't have to kill these hamsters. I-I-I mean, once we shut down this chemical, they'll go back to normal. You know what I mean, Wade?

WADE: I see your point, RK, but the problem is, these hamsters are unstable at this point. Even if we destroy the power source, they've already been exposed to Chemical X and they're probably at risk for a multitude of diseases. I just can't take that chance.

RK: Well, if you ask me, these poor things don't deserve it.

HAMSTER BANDIT: STOP!

 _RK and Wade are cornered at that point by five hamsters dressed like burglars with handguns._

RK: When the f*** did they get guns?

WADE: I have no idea.

HAMSTER BANDIT: JUST GIVE US THE LOOT AND GET LOST!

RK: They think we're trying to kill them. I'll handle this. Hi, I'm an alien from two planets over and I'm here to collect rock samples for my blip blop class. Do you hamsterlings know where I can find some?

HAMSTER BANDIT #2: SHUT UP!

RK: Okay.

WADE: Look, we're just here to do some investigation and we don't have any money. Could you guys go rob someone else?

HAMSTER BANDIT #3: They're playing with you, Darryl. Ain't nobody play around with my man Darryl!

DARRYL: You tell him, son. You assholes either give up the goods, or we'll just beat it out of you!

RK: Well, Wade, it looks like we had a good RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, DAMMIT!

 _RK and Wade start running away and screaming as the hamsters begin to chase after them._

SCENE 18

Pete's Pet Palace

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is checking out some of the birds at the store, including a cockatoo._

JAYLYNN: Maybe I could get myself a nice bird. I can be the only girl in the fourth grade with one.

BUSTER: I think Gilcania used to have a parrot.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but she lost it. See, Buster, I want to live in the now. A bird is now.

SPARKY: What about a bunny? It's cute, has these little eyes that just pop out at you, hops around and everything, it's just so adorable.

 _Buster and Jaylynn give Sparky looks of confusion._

SPARKY: Halley likes bunnies, okay? She softened me!

BUSTER: Sparky, it's okay.

SPARKY: No, it's not, she softened me!

JAYLYNN: I don't know about bunnies. I've never really been into them. I mean, I need something that really adds to the Jaylynn experience. Like a snake. Hell yeah. A badass pet snake.

 _A thought bubble appears above Jaylynn's head where she imagines her snake slowly suffocating her._

JAYLYNN: Look, I didn't know Anja hates snakes! I'm sorry, Archie, I'M SORRY!

 _The thought bubble disappears and Jaylynn shakes her head._

JAYLYNN: Okay, maybe I'm not ready for a snake.

BUSTER: You would name your snake Archie?

JAYLYNN: I like _Degrassi_ , okay? And how the hell are you reading my thoughts?

 _Sparky's phone rings and he sees that it is RK. The screen on his phone shows a picture of RK dressed as a cabin boy sticking up the middle finger. He picks it up._

SPARKY: What's up, RK?

RK: AAAAAHHHH, GET SOME HELP, CALL THE SWAT TEAM, DO SOMETHING! MUTANT HAMSTERS ARE TRYING TO KILL US! AAAAAHHHH!

 _Sparky hangs up and then scratches his head._

SPARKY: I'll, uh...let them handle it.

BUSTER: Hey Pete, what kind of pet do you think is right for Jaylynn?

PETE: Ugh, my life has been reduced to recommending pets to redheads. Listen, guys, I have to level with you on something here. All of these animals you see at this shop are all the same. Just a bunch of mindless, crazy, scatterbrained pieces of shit. I almost laugh at the thought of someone actually getting a specific pet because it's the same thing every time. They feed them too much, they drown them in their bathtub due to negligence, and I have to reassure them and tell them it will all be okay. I mean, how bad of a pet owner do you have to be to f*** that up? If you can't control a domesticated second-rate species and teach it to obey your every command, what's the point? I'm only doing this because of my parole. Once my time is done, I'm going to go back to sexually harassing baristas and making crank calls to Imagine Dragons telling them to quit it. It's just, don't you guys ever feel like animals are just aggressive, unnecessary, reckless pieces of shit too?

 _Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn all have blank stares and mouths hanging open._

PETE: Oh God, I think...I think I might have...psychologically scarred you guys. Well, good. You either buy a pet or f*** off.

 _Pete continues reading his magazine while the kids remain frozen in shock._

SCENE 19

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _In the hamster farm, RK and Wade continue running and screaming until they reach an apartment building and go inside it. The hamster bandits are confused as they look around for the duo._

WADE: Okay, I think we lost them.

RK: You know what, Wade? I'm done, I'm done with all of this, okay? I'm done with this chicken shit!

WADE: What are you talking about?

RK: WADE, WE'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR MORE THAN TEN F***ING MINUTES! Okay? I mean, I'm tired as hell, I'm pretty sure I broke a glass bottle so bad luck, and even if we get out of here, they're just gonna kill us! We have a better chance of finding Tupac's killers than we do this damn power source!

WADE: Look, I know things are bleak right now, but we came here to complete a mission. If we back out now, we're going to be the reason those hamsters take over the human race! I'm not going out like that. And if we're going to die, who better to die with than my best friend?

RK: Wow. You're one amazing son of a bitch, Wade. And you know what? If we're gonna die today, I want to share with you one of my deepest, darkest secrets.

WADE: Okay, what is it?

RK: The truth is...I love _Mean Girls_. It's one of my all-time favorite movies, Wade. I love everything about it, the story, the characters, the music, the jokes, it's all on point. I want to get buried next to a Blu-Ray copy of that shit, Wade.

WADE: What?! That's your big secret?! You like a freaking movie?! I thought you were going to tell me you're in love with Adriana or something.

RK: No, I don't have a lot of secrets. But that doesn't matter now. Let's go out there and get some.

 _RK and Wade give each other confident looks and start walking out of the apartment building._

MALE HAMSTER RECEPTIONIST: Excuse me, are you gentlemen here for something?

WADE: No, leave us alone.

RK: Yeah, screw you, old man.

 _RK and Wade leave as the receptionist sighs._

MALE HAMSTER RECEPTIONIST: I guess Jeanine was right. I _should_ stop talking to children.

 _RK and Wade walk out of the building and come face-to-face with the hamster bandits, then get down on their knees and stretch their arms out._

DARRYL: Alright, boys, time to regulate.

 _The hamsters run towards a confused RK and Wade and instead of shooting them, they start pistol-whipping them. RK gets free from the attack and trips one of the hamsters, grabbing his gun in the process. Wade does the same and the tables turn as they start going after the slightly weaker hamsters with their guns._

RK: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, EVERYBODY STOP IT!

 _Wade and the hamsters pause for a moment._

RK: Guys, are you serious?! This gun is empty!

 _RK pulls the trigger multiple times and nothing comes out. Wade does the same._

WADE: So is this one! Are all these guns unloaded?

DARRYL: Yeah.

RK: You idiots, you threatened us with guns that had no bullets in them?!

DARRYL: Look, I have a part-time job at Sears and it was my job, no pun intended, to load up the guns last night. I guess I forgot when I went to sleep.

HAMSTER BANDIT #4: I think my gun's loaded.

HAMSTER BANDIT #5: How do you know?

HAMSTER BANDIT #4: I feel something in here. Let me see.

 _The bandit shoots himself in the leg to see if the gun is loaded and he screams in pain as the trigger is pulled and the bullet is now lodged inside. RK quickly grabs the gun and holds everyone at gunpoint._

HAMSTER BANDIT #5: Yo, dumbass, why didn't you fire a shot in the air?

HAMSTER BANDIT #4: I wanted to be sure. You know when bullets hurt because they're in your body!

DARRYL: I need to stop getting people to join the crew through fliers with my digits on them.

RK: NOW, LISTEN UP! My friend and I are here to get to the power source that made you guys so badass. We have to shut it down so things can get back to normal around here. Now you're gonna lead us to that power source if you know where it is, and if you don't, there's gonna be a whole bunch of furry bodies lying around, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

HAMSTER BANDIT #2: Alright, shit, calm down, bro. We know where Chemical X is.

WADE: You know it by name?

DARRYL: Yeah, we do our research. I mean, we had to evolve from somewhere, right?

SCENE 20

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedoom

Seattle, Washington

 _Still being held at gunpoint, the hamster bandits (minus Bandit #4) lead RK and Wade to the Hamsterville Sewage Treatment Plant._

DARRYL: Well, this is the sewage plant where they took all of Chemical X. Once we got a hold of it, we harnessed it into a power source that helped us adapt a little bit every hour.

RK: My brain hurts just thinking about how powerful your ooze was.

WADE: Yeah, I know. But it's just like TV. Sit back, pretend you have an idea of what's going on, then just go with the flow.

RK: Thanks for the help, guys. It still sucks how Paul had to go to the hospital.

HAMSTER BANDIT #2: It's okay, he was an idiot. And sorry for going after you guys.

DARRYL: Yeah, we're not really used to human contact and shit.

RK: Ah, don't worry. Once we're done here, you'll never have to worry about human contact ever again.

DARRYL: Why?

RK: Come on, Wade, let's investigate as you put it. Don't step to me or you're going to get shot, just so you know.

 _RK and Wade walk into the plant when one of the employees sees RK's gun._

EMPLOYEE: Please don't kill me! I'll do whatever you want, just don't shoot me!

RK: What? Oh, right, the gun. Yeah, I'm...I'm gonna waste every single furry body in this joint if my friend and I aren't taken to the power source right now! And that's a damn promise!

 _SEVERAL MINUTES LATER_

 _RK and Wade are in front of a large tank in the plant's control room containing all of Chemical X._

WADE: Damn, how much did these guys evolve to do this?

RK: A lot. Well, I guess it's time we do this.

WADE: Yup. You know, RK, I don't think this is the most ethical thing to do anymore. I mean, these hamsters are so evolved, the fair thing to do is study them and their universe in-depth.

RK: You don't really believe that, do you?

WADE: Okay, not really, but I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I mean, these hamsters are yours. I was the one who did this and I feel horrible for taking away your happiness.

RK: Hey, I'll always have the memories. I mean, at the end of the day, you still did it and that's all that matters. Besides, these things have actual guns. I...don't want them to evolve any more.

WADE: And you're sure about this?

RK: Positive. After all, a bunch of super brolic hamsters can't compare to teaming up with my best buddy.

WADE: I really appreciate the sentiment, buddy. Well, let's do this.

 _Wade pulls down the lever controlling the ooze tank as RK watches the door with the gun. At that point, Chemical X starts being drained out of the tank and "Pony" by Ginuwine starts playing from an unidentified source. RK and Wade look confused as they start hearing the song being played._

WADE: Is that Ginuwine?

RK: Yeah. But where's it coming from?

WADE: I have no idea.

 _The scene cuts to several different hamsters dancing at the plant to "Pony," and as they do, the song along with the drainage of Chemical X turns them into celluloid dust. Darryl and his crew of bandits start dancing as they attempt to pistol-whip a cyclist out of his money, and they all turn into celluloid dust as well. The song inexplicably becomes louder as a hamster doctor is giving his patient a flu shot. They both bob their head to the beat and turn into dust, along with all of the employees and patients. Hamster Bandit #4 cannot resist the urge to dance while on his hospital bed and with a bullet caught in his leg, and turns into dust as well. Pretty soon, the streets of Hamsterville are filled with hundreds of hamsters dancing to "Pony," some of them wearing cowboy hats and cowboy boots. They all turn into celluloid dust and are blown away by the wind. RK and Wade walk out of the room and see dust all over the floor._

RK: WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED?!

SCENE 21

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are all on the couch back to their important business: Watching TV._

RK: Damn, what a weird couple of weeks it's been.

WADE: I concur, but at least we were able to solve that hamster problem.

SPARKY: I don't get it. How were you able to get rid of that chemical and kill all those hamsters?

RK: It's kinda hard to explain, but the lesson here is R&B solves everything.

WADE: Really? That's the lesson here?

RK: Yes, I think it's a very important lesson.

WADE: So Jaylynn, were you ever able to get your pet?

JAYLYNN: No. I just can't find the right pet for me. I don't know, I think I'm destined to be single when it comes to every part of my life.

BUSTER: Hey, don't talk like that. It didn't happen overnight, but my cat Santa's Little Helper and I can't be any closer. I love every chance I get to spend with him but I wouldn't have been able to do it through years of strong bonding.

SPARKY: Buster, your cat's name is LPC.

BUSTER: Wow, I've really been slipping lately, the point is, Jaylynn, your new pet isn't going to just fall out of the sky. You need to give it time.

JAYLYNN: You know what? I do. Thanks Buster, I'm gonna remember that.

SPARKY: You know, this is actually really nice. We get to sit here and talk about our lives without any wacky, out of nowhere BS to ruin it.

RK: Amen.

 _The doorbell rings and RK goes to get it. It's Paramore._

RK: Paramore, what the hell are you guys doing back here?

JAYLYNN: Oh no, not again.

 _Just like the first time, Jaylynn faints at the sight of Hayley and Taylor._

SPARKY: JAYLYNN!

HAYLEY: Well, we never got paid for showing up at Jaylynn's party a while back and we kinda want to see the money.

RK: For the last time, I didn't book you guys, I don't have any money to give you.

TAYLOR: Look, just point us to Ashley's house, going to sleep without our paychecks is eating us alive.

RK: You should have went there in the first place, you weirdos!

HAYLEY: Hey, don't talk to Taylor like that. He's the only guy I know that can work a slow cooker.

TAYLOR: Yeah, I mean, in general, you want to leave your meat in for a certain amount of time to increase its flavor.

HAYLEY: Yup, the juices have to be flowing properly and the cook has to be slow enough to get a feel for the taste. Come to think of it, that reminds me of the time I went to this vegetarian place with Jeremy and...

 _RK slams the door shut._

RK: Sparky, do you have the number to the police station?

 _Fade to black. The kids are then shown attending NXT TakeOver: Dallas._

TSE: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time.

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

 _("crushcrushcrush" by Paramore playing in the end credits)_

©2016 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. Night of the Radioactive Hamsters B-Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 4/3/16)_

 _-_ This episode was originally set to air in February before the big delay. I started writing it then and finished it over the last two days, not including today.

-This is a very odd episode, even by _Thank You, Heavenly_ standards so how did I come up with this idea? It all started back in November when I watched an episode of _Rick and Morty_ called "The Ricks Must Be Crazy." It was one of funniest things I had seen on television in a while, and I started getting more interested in the series. Before that, I watched "Big Trouble in Little Sanchez" when it first aired but this was the episode that officially made me a fan. Plus, I had heard so many great things about it. A day after I watched it while doing the garbage, I just came up with this idea in my head of _Thank You, Heavenly_ doing _Rick and Morty_. I just came up with the concept of RK and Wade having to take care of radioactive hamsters and that became the episode. At the time, I was unsure about it because it seemed like a really big concept and it felt like it was too unusual for the show to do. Eventually, I just let go of whatever reservations I had and gave it a shot. I knew the episode had to start realistically, so I decided to have Wade expose the hamsters to his new chemical just to make RK happy.

-I knew the episode was going to come in February because at the time, I already had other episodes lined up. Plus, February just seemed like the perfect month for an episode of this style. In order to do this _Rick and Morty_ episode, I had to tailor the story towards RK and Wade's clashing personalities: RK is the impulsive kid who prefers using science for his own benefit, and Wade is the responsible genius who wants to get down to business and complete the task at hand. This is to create contrast from _Rick and Morty_ , where Rick is the reckless, misanthropic scientist and Morty is the thoughtful kid reacting to the adventures he goes on with Rick.

-I was debating over whether or not to do this, but in the end, I decided to give Justin Roiland a guest spot in the episode. Roiland is the co-creator of _Rick and Morty_ alongside Dan Harmon (of _Community_ fame) and voices both main characters on the show. I was on the fence about it because I was hoping for people to just get the connection between this episode and R&M but I finally realized that it would be a lot funnier if he was in it. I wrote all of Roiland's lines as if Rick was on _Thank You, Heavenly_ reacting to what the characters said and did, right down to the stuttering and burping. I loved Pete's character but chances are, he will never appear on the show again.

-I thought writing this episode was going to be a serious challenge because of the main plot, but it ended up being a lot easier than I expected. I had a lot of fun writing it as well, as I believe the episodes that put an emphasis on comedy tend to be my favorites to work on.

-Originally, I was going to have the hamsters speak in an incomprehensible dialect and use subtitles, but then I decided to just have all of them act like everyday people. The key was in making the hamster universe as absurd and ridiculous as possible to generate more laughs. Also, RK and Wade would have been unable to understand the hamsters and communicate with them.

-Originally, Pete was going to factor into the main plot when Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn ask for his help about the hamsters, but then I just decided to have them go to the pet store for their own purposes, creating the subplot. I wanted to do an episode this season revolving around Jaylynn finding a lost dog and the owners coming back to retrieve it. Right now, I have no plans to write it anymore but things can always change. Along with the potential episodes/100th episodes for season five, I have a couple episodes that were never made that I might write someday. I call that section of episodes "development hell."

-The Bud Light commercial was inspired by the ones starring Seth Rogen and Amy Schumer. I thought they were stupid and ridiculous, so I just decided to make this one really cheesy.

-When RK talks about KG's eavesdropping, he indirectly references computer professional and former CIA employee Edward Snowden.

-Jaylynn's questioning of RK calling people Scully is a callback to "The New Sparky MacDougal" where RK kept using the name as an insult towards her.

-I started writing this episode before "11 Ways to Ruin a Birthday" so this is the actual introduction of Buster's fascination with Miami. I don't know whether or not this is going to become a running gag.

-Buster makes a reference to what was going to be Sparky's catchphrase back in season one, "I should have went to community college." It never really caught on and I think I remember only using it in one episode before dropping it completely.

-RK's paranoia about the police may actually _become_ a running gag. I don't know, I just found it really funny to include in this episode.

-When RK wakes up from fainting and sees Wade, he makes another indirect reference to the _Diff'rent Strokes_ episode "The Bicycle Man," an episode where the local bicycle shop owner tried molesting Arnold and his friend Dudley.

-I was debating over whether or not to show RK owning a gun but then I realized that he had used guns before. I also figured someone like him would just keep it in any old box, hence the shoebox.

-RK makes a reference to the "Little Bit of Luck" character from the New York Lottery commercials they used to play on TV when I was younger. Also, as he climbs the mini-ladder, he mentions WWE's Money in the Bank ladder match and color commentator Jerry "The King" Lawler.

-RK's first lines of dialogue when he gets inside the farm is an homage to the dialogue used on _Rick and Morty_. Rick, being an alcoholic, tends to stutter a lot, pause frequently when he talks, burp, constantly have drool over his mouth and repeat Morty's name even when Morty is paying attention to what he says.

-The snake in Jaylynn's fantasy is named after _Degrassi_ character Archie "Snake" Simpson.

-One of the earliest lines I came up with this episode was RK screaming, "MUTANT HAMSTERS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!" over the phone while talking to Sparky. While writing it, I changed "ME" to "US" because Wade was getting chased as well.

-The joke about the hamsters having unloaded guns was supposed to be in "Super Bowl Cum-Day III: The Story Box" when the kids found out that RK was never actually going to kill himself. However, I thought the joke was really inappropriate so I just waited for another time to use it.

-The "Pony" gag was pretty much just that, a gag to laugh at. I knew the hamsters were all going to die but I was stuck on what song to use in the climax where RK and Wade solve the problem. I wanted a song that contrasted heavily with what was going on in the scene for comedic effect so I used "Pony." I also did not want the hamsters dying in a way that was too disturbing so I just went with them dancing themselves into dust. Some of the hamsters wearing cowboy hats and boots is a reference to the music video for "Pony," where Ginuwine performs at what appears to be an old-school Western tavern.

-As a reference to the previous episode (something I rarely ever get to do), I decided to have Paramore make another guest appearance. I knew I couldn't give them that many lines since it was the ending but I tried having both Hayley and Taylor talk as much as they could.


End file.
